


I May Not Be Your Cup of Tea, But I'll Be Your Glass of Eggnog

by FrostedGemstones22



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: AU, All Human, Bonkai Secret Santa, Christmas Party, Cute, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluffy, Holidays, Mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostedGemstones22/pseuds/FrostedGemstones22
Summary: Bonnie is single; which is a problem. Her ex, Enzo, pities her and Bonnie is not about to let this happen in a million years. All she needs is a single, semi-attractive male to totally fool Enzo at her work's annual Christmas Party...Fake Dating/All Human/AUAccompanying graphics to this fic is in 'Art of My Stories' story.





	I May Not Be Your Cup of Tea, But I'll Be Your Glass of Eggnog

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for BonKai Secret Stanta this year, as a gift for brawohania!   
> This is what they requested: romance, sense of humor, no violence.  
> Which is like...my exact opposite XD I love writing good ole angst and fighting and war lol My favorite Kai is pre-merge Hades Kai, if that tells ya anything!  
> But I love a good challenge. And I'm super happy I wrote this.   
> Accompanying graphics to this fic is in 'Art of My Stories' story.   
> Hope you all enjoy!

Bonnie Bennet was single and this was a problem.

She had been free woman, ever since her ex Enzo had left her. Not only had he packed up without many words and texted her about it later, but he’d left her for an woman for sure old enough to be his mother.

Wasn’t the idea that men couldn’t help but trade in for the newer model? Somehow it was more insulting to Bonnie that he had traded in for an  _ older  _ model. The shitty part was she might have married him if he stayed, if he just let this affection die. Bonnie would have hitched herself to an utter asshole. 

Okay, so calling him an asshole was sort of mean. He had been a good boyfriend. Not a great one, but a good/okay/decent-enough one. It wasn’t Bonnie’s fault that he preferred women with minivans, elaborate Pinterest boards, and matching workout suits from Juicy Couture instead of bikes, textbooks, and ripped jeans from Urban Outfitters. In the long run, it was probably good she and him had split ways. It still stung, but only when she thought hard about it. 

She didn’t dislike being single. This was not the issue at hand. Bonnie wasn’t the type that always needed a boyfriend. She was, more often than not, single. She was confident enough to live and exist alone, or without a romantic partner, and only truly missed Enzo when someone invited her to watch a scary movie or a couple’s date night. 

The problem was that, for months now, she’d been getting out of awkward social invitations at her work place by citing a mysterious boyfriend with strange work hours, thus the only time she could see him was conveniently when Susan in HR wanted to grab a beer and talk about  _ feelings.  _

The hotel that Bonnie worked at was a fine enough place to make enough to cover her rent. On occasion, she got a free room, used for when her grandmother or friends came to visit her at college. She always got 50% off at the restaurant when she was on shift, and who could pass up two bucks for a whole plate of fries? Most nights were quiet, so Bonnie could study uninterrupted while being paid to do so. Her co-workers were all nice people to hold a small conversation with in between taking phone calls or ferrying little bottles of shampoo up to guests rooms, but none of them were friend material, Bonnie had deduced. 

She was also one of the few college kids who worked there. Everyone else’s career was here. For Bonnie, it was just a stop along the way to getting her degree in Chemistry. So, while Bonnie very much enjoyed stopping off for a drink, she could drink all these people under the table, without question. She wasn’t entirely ready to show that side of her (the college Bonnie side) to all the people she only knew professionally. 

At first, her excuse had been Enzo, and he had been real. But, after he dumped her, Bonnie wasn’t close enough with anyone to tell them about their breakup, and so she just continued using him. Somewhere around three months in, he became an entirely made-up person. He was so much more caring that’s Enzo was. He was funny, he was hard-working, he was someone Bonnie wanted to go home to. 

Too bad he didn’t exist. 

For most of her time, she didn’t consider this ever would be an issue, until the Holiday Formal. Usually, Bonnie would skip it, except they gave out great employee gifts. There was always a huge raffle. She’d heard through the grapevine that some of the big-ticket items were a flat screen or an XBox. Bonnie wanted a chance to get those, goshdarnit. 

“I really hope your boyfriend can make it,” Desi, one of her coworkers at the Front Desk, told her when they were counting out the money for the day, “Since, you know, we’ve never met him.” 

Bonnie hummed, trying not to let the comment bother her.

“We’ll see, I guess.” She shrugged, “He might not get off work.” 

As soon as Bonnie got home, she texted her two childhood best friends; Elena and Caroline. They’d been privy to this whole thing the entire time, both responding mostly with laughter about it. 

Elena’s response was reasonable; Just tell them he couldn’t go. He’s got weird enough fake hours at it is

Caroline’s was more whimsical; Know any hot guys that would be willing to cover for a night? ;) 

Bonnie was leaning toward Elena’s input, though she did fear the longer she kept this up, the more risk she ran of someone finding out and then she’d really have to find another, less perfect excuse. 

It wasn’t for another week until Caroline’s suggestion was thought of in any real capacity. 

When she got a call from Enzo, out of the blue, bonnie was too curious not to answer it. She should have just lost his number, but she was a little bit more mature. She hoped that they could at least be civil, like adults. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Bonnie...I, uh, just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be coming back into town.” 

Bonnie flipped through her notes absently, “It’s a big enough town, Enzo. Just tell me where to avoid and I will.” She said in a cool tone, “But thanks I guess.” 

There was a pause, “I hear you work at The Cliff Hotel now.” 

She’d been applying there at the end of their relationship. It was on her Facebook page, not like he’d sleuthed hard to find that one. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s owned by DTN Capitol, you know?” 

“So?” Bonnie huffed. 

“Lil’s family owns part of that.” Enzo said. There was a beat where Bonnie scrunched her nose. Lil? Who the hell was-oh. Lily. The woman she’d been left for. 

“And?” Bonnie felt her throat tighten, just a bit, “I mean, it’s a coincidence. Small world.” 

“We’re going to that Holiday party. You know, check on the property. I heard from your GM you’d be there too...with a boyfriend.” The accusation hung in the air. 

“If he can get off work,” Bonnie said, but the words felt stupider saying them to Enzo. There was a sort of sad sigh over the phone.

“Bonnie, darling,” He said, like they were still dating or something, “I still follow you on Instagram, Facebook...you’re not dating someone.” 

“Just because they’re not obsessed with showing the world us down each other’s throats like you were doesn’t mean he’s fake!” Bonnie snarled, “Look, Enzo, frankly we just spend so much time when we’re together we don’t even think about social media.” 

“Bonnie, I didn’t…” He gave a deep breath in, “I’m not trying to offend you.” 

“Shit job of it. Fucking hell, Enzo, you think just because you dumped me I’d sit around sad? No, I went and found someone better.” 

“I...You…” Enzo seemed flustered. He coughed, then collected himself, “I look forward to meeting him, sometime.” 

“You will. At the Holiday Party. I’ll make sure he’s there.” 

Then, before Enzo could protest or fight her, she hung up.

And, after, she just stared at her wall.

What had she just done? 

XXxxXX

Three days before the holiday party and Bonnie had not yet found this fake-real boyfriend yet. Caroline had suggested taking out a Craigslist ad; Bonnie felt weird doing that. Plus, Enzo could find it, if he was determined enough. When Bonnie went through her list of friends, no one seemed to fit the right specifications. Matt had offered himself up, but he was in a relationship, which could be looked into and disproven. Elena had said that, in a pinch, she’d send her brother Jeremy up if Bonnie let him crash at her place for the night, but she saw Jeremy like her own brother, so pretending to be in love with him the whole night was gag-worthy. 

No, Bonnie needed to find a single guy that she could believably enjoy spending theme with. So, either someone super hot (even if they were a little dumb) or super smart (even if they weren’t a looker)...but preferably, both. And, someone who-if this occasion came up again-might be willing to step in as her boyfriend who never slept and took strange hours for his job. Like, a booty call...but for a fake boyfriend. 

She was even willing to pay them, if that’s what they wanted. Or feed them. This party had free booze, so, theoretically that would entice most. 

Bonnie scrolled through her class list, posted onto their discussion board. She’d spent the last hour stalking different guys on Facebook, crossing them out if they had a girlfriend (or boyfriend) or if they seemed like someone Bonnie would never, in a million years, date. 

She picked up her mug of Chai tea, grimacing. She really should be studying for her upcoming finals, but somehow reading about the Fatimid Caliphates in Ancient History just wasn’t holding her interesting. She was considering getting another Chai, because she was just getting started and the coffee shop would be getting busy soon, totally zoned out to the world around her. 

“You planning a murder or something?” 

“What?” Bonnie snapped out of her daze. There was a boy standing right next to her, staring down at her notebook...which had a very long list of boy’s names, most crossed out, some with weird notes next to it. 

Yeah, that probably did look shady. 

“And, does crossing them out mean they’re not a target or that they are? Or, is it a shit list...because, really, what have I ever done to you?” He continued, practically leaning over the small table to read the list better.

“What?” Bonnie asked again, blinking up. She went to cover the list, but he slapped his hand down on it, stopping her.

“Me, my name. Right there. Malachai Parker. Pretentious name, I know. Or, like my parents named me after a D&D Character. Personally, I always thought it would be a good name of a Warlock. I’m not, duh, I’m just a regular guy who didn’t mean to look at your top secret kill list or something. Point being, I’m not a creep, but like, you’re tuned into seeing your own name on things, you know?” 

Bonnie squinted at him. If he’d been on her list, he was in one of her classes. She glanced back down at the names surround him to try to glean which one it was. 

“Oh, you,” Bonnie said as realization hit her, “You’re that kid in my History of Science class that always asks those bizarre questions.” 

“Look, if the teacher can’t answer what’s the name of that one frog that makes you high when you lick it and also tell me who the hell in history thought that it was a good idea to go around licking amphibians, why are they a professor?” He said, sliding himself down in the seat across from Bonnie without asking. He seemed to just sink into the chair, slinging his book bag on the floor with a clunk. 

“Uh, not everyone is a master on Rain Forest fauna. Especially not a teacher who specializes in the Early Middle Ages.” Bonnie said, rolling her eyes. 

“Maybe they should be.” Kai said, picking up a wrapped straw between his fingers, twirling it around. He had a to-go coffee cup in his hand, which told Bonnie he was probably on his way out the door, until he’d seen her list. 

“Malachai-,” 

He made a face, “Yuck. Kai. Call me Kai.” He corrected, “You’re Bonnie.” 

Bonnie fumbled for a reply, “How did you-,” 

“Magic,” Kai said with absolute sincerity, glancing up and looking right at her, “Naw. I saw it on the top of your computer,” He said, leaning over her laptop to point to the top right corner of her open Facebook account, “Also, I remember you from when we went around that entire lecture and introduced yourself.” 

“Out of 300 people, you remember me?” Bonnie said, unsure how to feel about that. 

“Would you like to think that?” He smirked, “Naw, I just happened to be sitting closer to you and were some of the few I didn’t tune out for. So, this list.” 

It seemed he wasn’t leaving. 

So, in light of this, Bonnie examined him. He was attractive enough, she decided. Slight stubble, broad shoulders, a grin that wavered between a smirk and a real smile. He wore band shirts of groups seemingly exclusively from the 90’s and sneakers messily tied. He had a leather band around his wrist and a couple rings on his fingers that he played with as he talked to her. 

He wasn't an idiot; Bonnie knew this from their class together. He did ask a lot of stupid questions, in the fact they were just totally off topic and really strange, but they were all valid questions, just wrong time and place. From this, she knew he was more of a jokester, someone who liked to waste class time by arguing with the professor about the history of pottery or questions about seashells that made a purple dye. The kid of kid that liked to throw a little chaos into perfectly set up teaching plans and made regret the saying ‘no question is a worthless question’. 

The type of boy that might very well find utter enjoyment in being a fake boyfriend for the night, to equally fool her co-workers but also to show up her ex. 

Bonnie gave a slightly wicked grin, tilting her head at him. 

“You single, Kai?” 

XXxxXX

Kai agreed nearly immediately. Bonnie wasn’t even through her whole explanation, her whole speech she’d practiced in the mirror if she indeed did find ‘the one’, when he was readily agreeing. 

He cited his quick choice on two points; one-that same night, his family was having some sort of get together and he really hated his family, so it was better all around if he had an actual excuse and two-it sounded fun. 

After his agreement, came Step Two of the process. That was, that she sat with Kai to determine with certainty that anyone they might meet at the party Kai did not know intimately enough to poke holes in their story. That he wouldn’t run into a good friend that would be like ‘Kai, you don’t have a girlfriend’ or an acquaintance that would frown and say ‘But Kai, I thought you worked at the Library. Those seem like pretty normal hours to me.’ 

Kai had suggested they move their whole operations to a bar nearby, since this was a relationship they were fabricating. Bonnie hadn’t wanted to make this more than it was, and plus it was like only 6 on a Monday. In the end, they moved to a compromise- a restaurant that served alcohol. Somehow, this felt much more ‘romantic’. 

And after Step Two...well, that was it. Bonnie’s Step Three was show up at the event. She’d planned for this to be all very professional. The simplicity of it was what was going to make it work. They’d agree on a couple very easy relationship milestones before they left (how they met, how long they’d been dating- the average questions) and just go to this stupid Holiday Party and Bonnie (god willing) would leave with a TV and Enzo properly ashamed. 

Kai, who had tried to order a Zima of all things (god, he was weird) had other plans. 

“No one is going to believe it if we just show up with a few loose stories, especially if we don’t spend any time together!” He said. 

“Oh, so you’ve done this before?” Bonnie raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m the oldest of eight kids. I made it my business to know exactly what sort of relationship my siblings were in with ‘just friends’. Of course, that was going the other way, but I was like a bloodhound. I could cut through not-dating BS immediately. I’m just saying, I’m sure it would work the other way.” He said. He reached across the table to steal one of Bonnie’s fries. His hand brushed hers and she jumped a bit, “Like that! Real couples eat each other’s food and defiantly do not jump when they brush skin. In fact, you should be near feeling me up under the table.” He said, to which Bonnie gave a severe glare. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Oh, are you a virgin?” 

“Kai!” Bonnie muttered, her whole face red, “No!” 

“Then trust me, I’d be saying these things if we’re...sexually active.” He said, raising an eyebrow and grinning.

“That’s it. I reject your application for my fake boyfriend.” Bonnie said dryly. 

“Oh, come on! And another thing. You told Eli-,” 

“-Enzo.” 

“-That we just didn’t post on social media. That’s totally not me, my handle is CobraKai1972, btw, but let’s say it is. I think it’s unreasonable to think we wouldn’t have any pictures of either of us, together or alone, on our phones.” 

Bonnie gnawed on her lip. He was making some very good points, “Then what do you suggest?” 

“We have, oh…” Kai flipped his wrist over, as though looking at a wrist watch that he did not have, “Four days before The Event, with a Capital ‘E’. Let’s meet up, fake some pics, practice actually looking like we enjoy each other’s company…” he trailed off, gesturing across the table, “Ya game?” 

“This is a lot of work for a one time thing,” Bonnie commented, but took her phone out and started scrolling to see when she was available in between finals “Uhm, before class I’m free tomorrow, like nine. That good?” When she glanced up because Kai wasn’t speaking (something she’d realized was out of the norm for him) he looked...sheepish? 

“One time thing. Wellllllll.” He drew his word out to the point of near annoyance, “So, my fam. The big one, the one I hate? Remember? They’re all in my shit to get a girl, marry her and whatever. To be hitched is like...a thing in my family.” 

“You want me to fake marry you?” Bonnie’s voice was much louder than she intended and it brought the attention of quite a few other patrons. Kai didn’t even seen phased. He waved the waitress over to get the check, pulling out his card and shooing Bonnie’s offer of a few bills away.

“Don’t be silly, Bon-Bon. Oh, I like that. Cute nicknames. Totally a dating thing.” Kai reminded her, “Just, seem like you’re the real deal. If we break up, we do, but at least my parents will stop trying to set up awkward blind dates with ‘acceptable’ ladies for a little bit.” 

“Okay,” Bonnie narrowed her eyes, “So, what does this entail?” 

“Not much. No more than you’re asking of me. There two events my fam does; one I’ve ever so-conveniently getting out of...this Holiday season one. And, blowing them off for a girl is sure to convince them it’s the real shit. Then, what I would expect you to attend is at the Spring Equinox, we do this whole ‘yay rebirth’ celebration. Usually start up in Portland, but since Portland is not very springy, we go somewhere warm. But, we can talk all about that later.” 

Bonnie considered it. She’d be rather hypocritical if she turned this down, wouldn’t she? 

“Whaddya say, Bon?” He asked, holding out his hand, “Make a deal with the devil?” His voice was teasing, but his eyes were dark in a way that sort of made Bonnie’s heart thump. Then, he broke out laughing, and Bonnie thought maybe this was just going to work out fine. 

“Sure.” She said, going for his hand. Kai grasped it, and for a second it seemed like he was just going to give it a firm shake. At the last second, however, he lunged across the table and kissed her cheek. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, darling. Nope, nope, don’t like that. Cutey bear? Honey? Hmm, we’ll work on pet names.” He said, rubbing his chin and mumbling to himself as he left, leaving Bonnie frozen in surprise. 

XXxxXX

_ -This Bonnie. I’m not here right now, so leave me a message and a number and I’ll hit you back soon! BEEP. - _

“Boooooniieeeeee! Rise and shine, honey-bunches-of-love. We have a full morning and possibly even afternoon planned out for us. I sent ya a message of things to bring, but you haven’t responded. Hope you’re not getting cold feet lol. Yeah, I say ‘lol’ out loud. I’m cute like that. This is Kai, btdubs.” 

Bonnie blearily rolled over, fishing for her phone. She didn’t even look at the very long message until she was somewhat presentable. When she did, Kai had sent her a very long list of specialty themed ‘outfits’ along with locations they’d be hitting up; to take pictures to make it seem like this was a long relationship. Proof. 

Despite her slight annoyance and very deep surprise, she had to admit this all seemed well planned. 

Kai arrived at her doorstep promptly at 9am, a duffle bag in his hand, his car waiting by the curb. 

“This is so crazy it just might work-what are you doing?” Bonnie asked as he brushed past her into the room. 

“Yeah, I could get a degree in professional BSing if that was a thing,” Kai said absently, glancing around her apartment. It was a modest studio, about what Bonnie could afford. Not a crappy place, but not the Taj Mahal by any means, “We go to my place, unless I meet you at work, then we come here because it’s closer.” 

“Excuse me?” Bonnie put her hands on her hips. 

“You’ll see what I mean. The schedule dictates we end up there last.” Kai said, holding up his phone, “Or, whatever. I guess if it means that much.” 

Bonnie snapped her mouth close. She was getting upset about a non-existent relationship. 

“Fine, we can go to yours.” 

Kai grabbed Bonnie around her shoulders, snapping a pic, “Awww, our first fight! Adorable.” 

“Are you always this touchy-feely?” Bonnie asked, but didn’t flinch away from his palms this time. 

“Absolutely.” He said, rubbing her arms, “Shall we get going?” 

XXxxXX

They spent the day at various locations over the city, in various outfits. They went to the docks at the local beach and put on sunglasses and bathing suits and shivered in the December air, pretending like they’d spent their summer nights kissing under docks and sipping Mai Tais. They went to a roller rink (Bonnie hadn’t even known there was one on their campus) and wore ‘70s outfits’, per part of Kai’s extensive list. They went and walked in the woods, taking lots of pictures in nature. He apparently had even more locations listed for the next couple days. They were set to take probably about 100 pieces of ‘proof’ to show the world that yes, they were dating.

Of course, Bonnie hadn’t needed it to go this far, but she was glad that if Enzo checked up (and he was self-righteous enough to think he should do so) they’d have ways to prove him wrong. 

The ended up at a nice restaurant in fancy clothes after Bonnie’s classes, so they could take some ‘date night’ pics, swapping pertinent information that someone would know about the other. Bonnie described her crazy small Virginia town she’d come from and took Kai through her most important friends; Elena, Caroline, Tyler, and Matt. SHe talked about how her mother had left her when she was young and her father had always cared about fathering the town more than Bonnie, so she’d basically been raised by her grandmother. 

She learned Kai was two years older than her. He talked more about his life currently here than about his family. 

“I hate them, remember? I wouldn’t talk much about them.” He said with a dismissive wave of his hand when Bonnie inquired about it. The only things that Kai thought it worth it for Bonnie to know was the list of his siblings; names and ages. 

Josette, his twin. Luke and Olivia, Bonnie’s age, also twins. Joachim, 18. Theodora, 17. Medea, 15. Prospero, 13. 

“God, I feel sorry for your family,” Bonnie tried not to laugh. She really did, “What sort of names are those?”

“You have to remember I was named ‘Malachai’ so clearly dear old pops has been crazy from the start. I’m just eternally lucky that I could shorten my name to something normal-ish. Joachim too...we call him Joey. Theodora’s not bad. Medea either. Prospero, darn kid, has enough problems with puberty as it is without a name that can’t sound normal in any variation. Prosp, Spero, Ros...oh, we’ve tried them all. Correction, I’ve tried them all. I like nicknames.” 

“I feel so bad for him, oh,” Bonnie held the phone in her hands, staring at their pictures. A good girlfriend, a serious one, would at least know them all by face. His parents were standing there too, everyone in ridiculous bad Christmas sweaters. This was taken maybe last year. It was hard to imagine that this family could be so awful, when their photo looked so average. 

When she inquired to why, Kai’s face shut down a little. 

“I wouldn’t even tell that to an actual girlfriend, so, that’s a little off the table,” He said darkly. 

“What about a serious fake girlfriend?” She pressed. 

“Another day,” Kai forced smile back onto his face, “Another day.” 

XXxxXX

Kai insisted on FaceTiming with Elena and Caroline to make sure they were golden on the story. 

They’d ended back up at Kai’s place.

And damn, yeah, they probably would stay at his over his. 

It was a student apartment, but one of the nice ones. Not over-the-top, but not the gross bachelor pad Bonnie was totally expecting. It was also a one bedroom, which trumped her tiny square footage. And, he was alone. She was alone too, but her walls were paper thin and any theoretical sex they were not having would be heard by her neighbors. Not by Kai’s, she deduced. 

His furniture seemed cobbled together, but still newer than Bonnie’s. He had good taste, some of his furniture was even matching. There were hints this was owned by a dude, like the toilet seat up or the abundance of beer in the fridge, but thank god Bonnie’s fake boyfriend seemed to be semi put-together. After Enzo (who was mature, but only because he was five years older than her), she didn’t think that she could even fake-date a slob that hardly remembered what days were what and blew off his classes to smoke weed. 

He was studying Business. Bonnie hadn’t asked him, but she saw all his textbooks on the shelf, and no one would willing read those. It was something she tucked away into the ever growing file named ‘Kai Parker’. 

That was all just the basics, though. She realized she still had a cash of useless Enzo related information stored away, stuff she could just pick out without thinking about it, the true things that made you really know a person. 

She was still learning this about Kai, but being in his apartment gave her more ideas. 

He liked jam, specifically raspberry. He didn’t drink coffee, but did drink energy drinks. He had a collection of albums on Vinyl (all 90s, but she thought she might have already known this, if she thought hard about it). While Kai chatted on the phone and her two best friends put him through the ringer- fake boyfriend or not- she perused. Once or twice, she saw Kai look up, but he didn’t seem bothered by her snooping. He’d probably even encourage it. 

Bonnie was left with Kai’s phone too, since he was calling Elena and Caroline on hers. He’d given her the passcode, allowing her to search through it at her leisure. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. It was one thing to be invited into his home, but to creep on his phone? Bonnie wasn't sure. Anything worth knowing Kai would tell her. 

She did look back through the first round of pictures they’d taken today. It seemed legit, if someone didn’t know. They looked like a happy couple. It was fun, it was carefree, it was real. She felt something strange about it, like she was looking at some other Bonnie’s love with Kai. A love that was fabricated. 

She clicked the phone shut. 

All the photos in one clump did cause a though to pop up.

When Kai was finished, she asked. 

“Won’t someone notice all of our couple photos were taken conveniently in the three days before the party?” She said. 

“Don’t worry about it. I have a computer-savvy nerd friend that can change the days that those were ‘taken’ lickity-split. I will need your phone, however.” He rubbed his chin. He hopped onto the arm of his sofa, legs nearly touching the ground. Bonnie stood next to it. Another thing to know about Kai; he never sat in chairs normally ever. 

“Yeah, not handing that over to you.” 

“Bonster,” He said, clutching his heart, “My dear and one true love, it’s like you don’t trust me. I’m mortally wounded.” 

“Did I hurt your fake feelings?” Bonnie teased. 

“My feelings are very real,” Kai said with a face that could only cause Bonnie to laugh out loud, “But I know how you can fix it.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“A kiss, maybe.” He said, leaning in. Bonnie, inches away from his face, thought about it. Then, she playfully shoved him back onto the couch. 

“Good try, Romeo, but no way.” 

XXxxXX

Night of the holiday party came quicker than Bonnie thought it would. She was ready and armed; 281 pictures of her and Kai with the appropriate times and dates and locations to fool even the most nosy of ex boyfriends and over-controlling parents. 

Bonnie fixed her makeup in the mirror running her liquid lipstick in bright Christmas red a couple more times over her lips, until all the lines were perfect. The Christmas Party was usually minorly fancy, in that Bonnie would have worn a dress or a skirt and made more than the average effort for her makeup. This year, since some bigwigs were coming in, the venue and the entirety of it had been amped up to be more of a cocktail event. Plus, even if it hadn’t, Bonnie might have been wearing her velvet red number just to piss Enzo off. 

She knew exactly when Kai arrived to pick her up, not only because he left about twelve-thousand texts, but because he buzzed her door about twelve times straight in a row. 

She slammed the ‘open’ button on her wall, before doing some last checks in the mirror and making sure to grab her Secret Santa gift before she left. It was for Amy who was one of the barracks and Bonnie usually had no idea what to do for these things, so went with her generic go-to gift; Starbucks gift card. 

She opened her door just as Kai was coming out of the elevator and for a second, it was like both of them forgot how to breathe. 

They’d worn ‘fancy’ things to one of their mock-dates, meant to represent a nice dinner to celebrate six months of dating. Kai had just packed a button-down shirt with some pressed khakis, and Bonnie had worn something a little more appropriate and less form fitting. She’d half-expected him to show up in this. She had said to dress to the nines, but wouldn’t have been upset had he not. 

But, damn. 

He looked...expensive, was her first thought. White button-down shirt, perfectly pressed, not a wrinkle in sight. It was unbuttoned just a little, just enough so she could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. Over top was a suit jacket and a pair of pants, both in black, both meticulously hemmed and fashioned to fit his body like a glove. A nice watch on his wrist. Shoes shining. His hair parted and beard trimmed. He looked like he just stepped out of a fashion magazine for men, not like he was accompanying Bonnie to some dinky work social. 

She suddenly felt a little overwhelmed and nervous about the whole night. 

“Wow, Bon, you look...amazing…” Kai spoke first, breaking the spell between them. His eyes roved up her figure, and he unconsciously licked his lips. Bonnie tried to collect herself. She turned to lock the door to her apartment, breathing in twice, hard. This was just Kai. Nerdy, weird, Kai who rambled on too much and ate jam straight from the jar with his fingers. Oh, what those fingers might do to her-no! She needed to stop this. 

“Me?” Her voice quivered and she took the first steps toward him, “Look at you! You clean up fine.” She said, injecting humor back into this...partnership. 

Kai’s face of reverence broke as he helped Bonnie into her coat, “M’lady,” He said, bowing low. The Kai she knew was back. Oh thank god. The other Kai, the one that had looked at her so hungrily...Bonnie wasn’t sure she could be around that Kai all night. 

“Shall we?” 

XXxxXX

They were using the grand meeting room in the hotel for the location. It was sparkling with tinsel and fake Christmas trees gleaming in silver. The food set out looked more tantalizing than ever before. The room smelled nice, which Bonnie noticed as a difference immediately. Usually, this room sort of smelled like old foot. 

They came appropriately about an hour late. Bonnie ran through their most basic cover story as she approached the holiday hall. 

They’d been dating nine months. They’d met in class. Their first date was roller skating. They were absolutely serious. Kai worked at a law firm, and often was up at any hours doing annotations and read-through for the senior partners, thus causing his strange work hours. He was two years older.

“We got this, Bonnie Bear.” Kai assured in an overly-teasing voice as they walked to the front. Seconds before they reached the door, Kai slipped his hand into hers. 

“You know it, Kai Cupcake.” 

The game begun. 

Although, it was easy to not think of it as a game all the time. For the first two hours, they did the rounds to meet various co-workers of Bonnie’s as they took advantage of the food and open bar. It felt simple and natural to have Kai’s fingers twined with hers or for his arm to be slung across her shoulders. Once, he even placed a quick kiss to her temple before going off to grab them both a refill on the drinks and Bonnie didn’t jump and spill her plate of food, which was a plus. 

Bonnie’s co-works raved over him. He kept his weirdness to a minimum, and without it, he was undeniably charming. Bonnie could see this. His charisma would take him far in his business track. He even seemed to bewitch her general manager, who was a no-nonsense type of burly man, and Bonnie might have even seen her boss...laugh? Smile? Kai was like a god or something, she decided. 

Everyone commented how absolutely adorable they were. When Kai used a pet-name on her that seemed utterly unbelievable, they just thought it was the cutest thing. She had a feeling Kai wanted to see how far he could push ridiculous pet-names before the evening was up. If they were in an actual relationship, Bonnie would smack him. Because they were fake-dating, she just looked up with him at big goo-goo eyes and giggled. 

At one point, Kai’s hands went a little past her hips and Bonnie just batted her eyes, “Honey, we’re in public.” She murmured, as though this was the norm. Her eyes said ‘put your hand there again and I’ll chop them off’. He might look hot, but Bonnie still held this was a business agreement. Kai seemed to get the message, but the smirk on his face told Bonnie if given the chance, he’d absolutely try it again. 

A part of Bonnie wanted to see him try, a smaller part wanted him to actually succeed. 

It wasn’t until well into the party they even ran into Enzo.

Bonnie had nearly forgotten what had started this whole crazy thing. 

“Oh, shuckums, isn’t that your ex?” Kai noticed him first, calling Bonnie’s attention from chocolate cookies, over to where Enzo was indeed across the room. He caught sight of them and made a beeline. Kai lowered his voice, leaning in. 

“Laugh like I’m saying something dirty. He’s been searching since he came in the door and for the last five minutes, been trying to catch your attention. Let’s just get this over with, right?” 

As Enzo approached, Bonnie gasped in a fake way, sending Kai a scandalized look. 

“Darling, save that sort of talk for the bedroom tonight!” Bonnie said. Kai bared his teeth, finger trailing up her arm, sending actual shivers down it. At least that sold it. 

“It’s hard to, when you’re just so enchanting,” he murmured back. He seemed like he was going in for a kiss and for just a second, Bonnie wasn’t sure what she was going to do until Enzo cleared his throat. 

“Oh!” Bonnie pretended to just notice him, “Enzo, wow, it’s been a while.” She greeted, “I know you said you’d be here, but I completely forgot.” 

Kai pulled her next to him by her waist, which made Enzo’s lip twitch. 

A woman followed behind who looked good for her age, but from the way that she put her arm on Enzo’s, Bonnie knew who she was. 

“You must be Lily. I’m Bonnie...Enzo’s ex.” Bonnie said, reaching her hand out. She could be civil, especially if she was ‘over’ Enzo and totally infatuated with her new beau. 

“Nice to meet you. Enzo’s only ever said good things about you.” Lily said, glancing at Enzo uncomfortably. The whole situation was awkward, yes. 

Bonnie didn’t think she set out to be a homewrecker. She didn’t want to fault her. She was angry at Enzo, not this girl, or she had been...she hadn’t had time in the past couple days to consider this meeting, not wit Kai keeping her busy. 

“And who’s this?” Enzo was sizing up Kai. 

“Malachai Parker. Friends call me Kai, so you can call me Malachai,” Kai said without missing a beat, “What did Bonnie say your name was? Bento?” 

“Lorenzo.” 

“That’s a mouthful.” Kai laughed, as though is own name wasn’t hard. 

“I didn’t even know Bonnie was dating someone until about a week ago,” Enzo said, “Thought maybe she was...embarrassed.” 

“Enzo,” Lily hissed, horrified. 

“Oh, no, that’s me. My parents are super strict about who I date and I didn’t want them scaring her off before I knew if it was serious or not.” Kai said quickly, “But expect a lot of pictures of us now because I’m never letting a catch like this go.” 

“When did you say you started dating again?” 

“Nine months, twelve days and twenty-six hours.” 

“First date?” 

“Roller rink. Bonnie is so clumsy, god, it just made me love her more. See?” Kai clicked his phone background to show the two of them in their outfits from a couple days ago. Bonnie hadn’t even realized he’d done that, “Look at her, falling all over the place.” 

“Have you met any of her other friends?” 

“Well, I’ve talked with Caroline and Elena, but our schedules just haven't matched up yet. Lovely girls, I like ‘em.” Kai answered all of his questions without even blinking. 

“They say the same.” Enzo said, then winced, as though he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. 

“You grilled my friends?” Bonnie cut in, furious. 

“Well, Bon,” Enzo scratched his neck, “This all did seem to come out of nowhere. I’m just looking out for you.” 

His voice was velvety, it reminded her of when they were dating. Too sweet, too concerned. Tears pooled at the back of Bonnie’s eyes. She couldn’t believe the gall of him. What right did he have? He broke her heart! 

“I think you lost that right when you left her,” Kai’s voice was cool. He put a protective hand on her shoulder. Bonnie couldn’t help but gleam at the tone, and instinctively backed up into him. 

“You seem wonderful, Kai. Can I call you that?” Lily said, nudging Enzo meaningfully. 

“You, darling? Of course.” Kai’s face split into an easy-going grin. 

The tension edged away, or, most of it. 

“More drinks?” Enzo asked, nodding toward the bar. 

“I could sure as hell use one,” Bonnie agreed. 

Enzo began to lead the way. Kai grabbed Bonnie’s hand, zigzagging through the tables. There was a moment when Enzo stopped suddenly and Bonnie and Kai nearly ran straight into him. 

“Oh, would you look at that,” Enzo said, “Mistletoe.” 

Bonnie’s head snapped up. He’d lead them right under it. 

How dare he? He’d done this on purpose. 

From the look in Enzo’s eyes, a small little peck on the cheek wasn’t going to cut it. 

Kai turned to her, realizing the same, and placed his hands on either side of her cheeks. There was a beat, a moment when he questioned if this was okay, what he was about to do? Despite all their prepping, they hadn’t thought they’d been forced to make-out. 

No one but Enzo would expect this to prove their relationship. And so, they had to. 

A part of Bonnie reminded her at least she found him attractive, which actually just sent her into a panic mode more than it reassured her. 

She didn’t really have time to truly panic, because Kai had pulled her right up against him (yes, couples got close when they kissed) and one hand slid into the hair at her nape, tangling there, while the other fell down to her shoulders, to keep exactly where he wanted her. Just before his lips touched hers, his hand down by her arm nudged her top of her arm, and she remembered to move herself. She put her arms around his neck, encasing him.

Whether Kai had intended to do a small but intense kiss or had always planned for a ‘make your co-workers uncomfortable’ sort of kiss, Bonnie was unsure. All she knew is that he went with the latter and somehow, she sort of forgot how to breathe. 

He went right for tongue. From the very second his lips kissed hers, the tip of his tongue was running along her bottom lip, asking to be let in. Once Bonnie let her lips pout open, immediately, Kai took full advantage of this. He nipped at her bottom lip playfully- no, sexily- because she could feel his fists tighten and try to bring her more against him. His breath was warm and tasted like peppermint and his stubble rubbed against her cheeks in a way that shivered all up and down her body. 

Bonnie forgot this was just a show, and felt her hands explore down his back, one hand slipping into his back pocket. She let out a little breathless moan, a wine, when it seemed he might stop for a second. His hand that had been on her shoulder somehow found its way onto her ass, and didn’t she threaten to castrate him if he did that again? Well, she took that back. She took all of it back, because Kai could touch her all she wanted if he moved and loved like this. 

Someone coughed outside of their little bubble, and Bonnie realized where she was and who she was with and sprang back. Luckily, pretty much everyone read it as embarrassed. Kai wiped his hand on his lips, his skin coming back smeared with red holiday gloss. He looked far to pleased with himself. 

Enzo just looked furious. Bonnie was sure he thought they wouldn’t have done something like that. 

“Sorry, sometimes it just comes over you.” Kai said, fishing for a napkin to clean up his face, “You know how it is Renny, right?” He said, looking at Enzo. 

“Yes, yes, of course,” Enzo said, pulling Lily toward him, as though he’d almost forgotten where his date was, “But most people act with a little more decorum, I’d say. It looked like you were going to...well, that’s maybe not to say out loud.” He said meaningfully. 

“I was just showing my honest to god love,” Kai shrugged, “Oh, it’s almost 10, isn’t it? Time for the lottery, right, Bonster?” 

XXxxXX

“Hey,” Kai said, as they walked back to her apartment, “Gift Cards to like five restaurants isn’t a bad win.” 

“It’s not a flat screen, though,” Bonnie pouted a little, “Think Enzo was fooled?” She asked, trying not to think about how Jason- who was an adult and probably owned a flat screen already- had gone home with her prize. 

“I think he was about to tear me in half if I touched you again,” Kai barked out, “So yeah, he was fooled.” 

“From the way you talk about your family, I think Enzo was the easy one.” Bonnie said, very well aware they’d have to do this again...and, found herself excited. Or, at the very least, not opposed. 

“Yeah,” Kai’s face flinched a little, “But hey, we have like three months to have you so prepared you couldn’t possibly mess it up.” 

“Thanks.” 

“It was supposed to be a compliment,” Kai said. His hand was still in hers. Despite being far, far away from the party, Bonnie made no effort to let it go, “Don’t worry, Bon. If they find out, it’s on me, not on you anyway. But, you’re perfect.” He insisted. 

This did make her feel good. 

At her door, he nearly just walked away. Then, as though he had won an internal battle, he leaned forward and kissed Bonnie before she could stop him.

“Merry Christmas, Bon.” He said quietly, “I’ll be contacting you about next steps and whatnot later. Drink some eggnog, sing a carol...enjoy your night and your $50 in various restaurant eatery coupons.” 

Then, just as strangely as he’d come into her life, he was gone, leaving Bonnie standing in her door. 

At least, for the moment. She had no doubt he’d be texting her shortly. 

XXxxXX

The next morning, Bonnie was woken by a phone number. She entirely expected it to be Kai, though the number was unfamiliar. 

“Hello?” She said groggily, rubbing her eyes. 

“Ah, yeah, this Bonnie Bennett?” The voice asked, as though reading her name from a sheet of paper in a thick Boston accent. 

“This is she,” Bonnie rolled her shoulders, sitting up. It was probably a car warranty scam call or something, because who else would be calling so early in the morning on a weekend? 

“I got a package for you down at the door. If you buzz me in, I can deliver it up to you.” 

“Uhm, well, I can just come down and get it,” Bonnie wrinkled her nose, throwing on a cardigan. 

The man on the other end laughed, “I think you’ll want me to bring it up.” 

Highly curious and a little unnerved, Bonnie buzzed him in. It took four minutes from the front door, up the elevator, and to her little apartment door. She opened it wide before the delivery man was even to her area. 

He was carrying a large rectangular object, covered in holiday-esqe wrapping paper. 

“Sign here,” He said, holding out an electronic slip. 

“Who sent this?” Bonnie questioned, penning her signature. 

“Can’t recall his exact name. Was a weird name, though,” The man scratched his head, “Gotta message for you. It says,” He scrolled onto his phone, “You can open this right away, Bonster. You don’t need to wait until Christmas.” He put it away, shrugging, “Enjoy.” 

When he left, Bonnie waited about three second before tearing into the present. Christmas was five days away and once given explicit permission, no way was she waiting. 

And, what lay at her feet was an extremely large and brand new flat screen T.V. 

A note fluttered to her feet. 

_ Merry Christmas to the sexist and best fake girlfriend a guy could ask for. Enjoy ;) <3 U- Kai _

**Author's Note:**

> Because I can never just let a good thing go, I already have two sequels in a series planned for this...Oops XD   
> Upcoming sequels will likely have smut in them. I just didn't know if that was my person's thing, so I didn't want to set over any boundaries, but you know they're gunna bang later on. It's just scientifically proven ;)


End file.
